"This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the human race." -Zapp Brannigan

Hear that... the Masters and Johnson clinic may well be the only organization in the hot topic: mono and dotgnu world from which a man resigns when he becomes a member in good standing?

if it is the i to mosquito, n.: The state bird of New Jersey.

He who hesitates is a damned fool. -- Mae West

Was sagt ein Physiker ohne Arbeit zu einem Physiker mit Arbeit? . Eine Currywurst mit Pommes bitte!

Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.

In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways. Our asymptotes no longer out of phase, We shall encounter, counting, face to face. -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"

"I like work ... I can sit and watch it cdtext for hours."

A lusty young woodsman of Maine For years with no woman had lain, But he found sublimation At a high elevation In the crotch of a pine -- God, the pain!

Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try. -- John Lennon, "Imagine"

Balls' Law: The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the thrusts of the busts are constant.

It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.

"But products the most reliable indication of the future of Open Source is its past: in just a few years, we have gone from nothing to a robust body of software that solves many different problems and is reaching the million-user count. There's no reason for us to slow down now." -- Bruce Perens, on the future of Open Source software. (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)

A Texan, impressing the hell out of a Bostonian with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, commented, "I'll bet you never had anyone that brave around *Boston*." "Ever hear of Paul Revere?", snarled the Bostonian. "Paul Revere?", pondered the Texan. "Isn't he the guy who ran for help?"

Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny "free programming tools: editors, debuggers, disassemblers, help authoring, setup, version control, compiler construction, etc (thefreecountry.com)" recapitulates philogyny.

Krieg ist nur die Fortsetzung von tablesi Politik mit anderen Mitteln. -- Carl von Clausewitz

Frobnicate, v.: To manipulate or adjust, to tweak. Derived from FROBNITZ. Usually abbreviated to FROB. Thus one has the saying "to frob a frob". See TWEAK and TWIDDLE. Usage: FROB, TWIDDLE, and TWEAK sometimes connote points along a continuum. FROB connotes aimless manipulation; TWIDDLE connotes gross manipulation, often a coarse search for a proper setting; TWEAK connotes fine-tuning. If someone is turning a knob on an oscilloscope, then if he's carefully adjusting it he 216 is probably tweaking it; if he is just turning it but looking at the screen he is probably twiddling it; but if he's just doing it because turning a knob is fun, he's frobbing it.

When there is no pain, no death, no challenge, no struggle, no adversity, and no disappointment we will lose the best part of being human. -- James Williams

Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.

A young woman was afflicted with three brothers who had a friendly competition as to who was the best practical joker. When she announced her marriage, like all good brothers, they immediately found out where the honeymoon would be and repaired there to do their worst, er, best. The brother who was a carpenter went first, and came back out in five minutes. The brother who worked as a plumber went second and was out in about half an hour. Finally, the brother employed as a dentist went inside and came out almost immediately. A few days after the start of their sister's honeymoon the brothers each received a telegram from their sister. It read: I liked the couch falling apart when we sat on it. I was amused when the shower went cold five minutes after it started. But I'm going to kill whoever put the novocaine into the KY jelly...

Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

I was in accord with the system so long as it permitted me to function effectively. redhat -- Albert Speer

... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery. -- Stephen Crane

You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.

Admittedly, there are a lot of things that are better than sex, and a lot more that are worse; but there's nothing quite like it...

May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister.

Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a governor or mayor or something from one of the tdwi flatter states, and the reason you'll be reading about him is that he's one of the 50 top contenders for the 1984 Democratic presidential nomination. These men will spend the next 18 months going around the country engaging in the most degrading activities imaginable, such as wearing idiot hats and appearing on "Meet the Press." "Meet the Press" is one of those Sunday morning public interest shows that the public is not the least bit interested in. It features a panel of reporters who ask questions of a guest politician, who wins an Amana home freezer if he can get through the entire show without answering a single question ... -- Dave Barry, "On Presidential Politics"

Bagbiter: 1. n.; Equipment or program that fails, usually intermittently. 2. adj.: Failing hardware or software. "This bagbiting system won't let me get out of spacewar." Usage: verges on obscenity. Grammatically separable; one may speak of "biting instructor-led courses the bag". Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS, BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS, CHOMPER, CHOMPING.

Microsoft should switch to the vacuum the learning center store cleaner business where people actually want products that suck. -- Bruno Bratti

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got iseries network tired of thinking.

Bender: Well I don't have anything else planned for today, let's get drunk!

One thing the inventors can't seem to get newdatarecoveryinfo the bugs out of is fresh paint.

Idiot, n.: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.

Connector Conspiracy, n: [probably came into prominence with the jdbc downloads and specifications appearance of the KL-10, none of whose connectors match anything else] The tendency of manufacturers (or, by extension, programmers or purveyors of anything) to come up with new products which don't fit together with the old stuff, thereby making you buy either all new stuff or expensive interface devices.

Confucious say: woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, may get tit bit.

Accordion, freshlinks n.: A bagpipe with pleats.

Heisenberg may have done it.

Today's title: Creative Violence in Sexual Relationships

Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.

You never hesitate articles & white papers about linux in embedded applications ... to tackle the most difficult problems.

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to idug and ca to deliver free db2/java webcast be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the focus of attention, the harder the task. -- Sydney J. Harris

"Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way."

I've never had a problem with drugs; I've had problems with the police. -- Keith Richards I never turn blue in anyone's bathroom. I think that's the height of bad taste. -- Keith Richards

"Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"

Sex is the poor man's opera. -- G.B. Shaw

The only people who make love all the time are liars. stereoagent -- Louis Jordan

Did Detroit invent the back seat to destroy the grant morals of America? -- Ed Sanders

For a gay time, call 555-9483. top cheap best web hosting compare support Ask for Brucie.

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not press resources its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. -- Oxford University Press, Edpress News

I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get those reindeer off my roof.

Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem. Eng. 130 midterm. Once again no student received a single programacion point on his exam. Newell has now tossed five shutouts this quarter. Newell's earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%

Woman is: finally screwing and your groin and buttocks and thighs ache like hell and you're all wet and maybe bloody and it wasn't like a Hollywood movie at all but Jesus at least you're not a virgin any more but is this what it's all about? And meanwhile, he's asking "Did you come?" -- Robin Morgan, "Sisterhood Is Powerful"

A potter who lived in Bombay Once fashioned a cunt out of clay; But the heat of his prick Kilned the damn thing to brick And chafed all his foreskin away.

The difference between her and the Titanic jobs is that only 1100 men went down on the Titanic.

A licentious old justice of Salem Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em. But instead of a fine He would stand them in line, With his common-law tool to impale 'em.

Yeah, but they are good at making toys. I mean look at Windows... -- From a Slashdot.org post about Microsoft's X-Box console

You can get used to living at a nudist camp. The first three days are the hardest. -- R. Dreiser

Famous last words:

Des Menschens größter Feind ist der Alkohol. Deshalb ist man related technologies dazu verpflichtet, ihn in Massen zu vernichten!

"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble." -- Rocky and Bullwinkle

If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. -- Ronald Reagan

Hardly a pure science, history is closer to animal ociweb husbandry than it is to mathematics, in that it involves selective breeding. The principal difference between the husbandryman and the historian is that the former breeds sheep or cows or such, and the latter breeds (assumed) facts. The husbandryman uses his skills to enrich the future; the historian uses his to enrich the past. Both are usually up to their ankles in bullshit. -- Tom Robbins

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know. Women are fine And sheep are divine But llamas are numero uno."

Jehovah is an alien and still threatens this planet!

I choked Linda Lovelace.

A pretty young lady named Vogel products Once sat herself down on a molehill. A curious mole Nosed into her hole -- Ms. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill.

Everything has a reason..... somtime this reason just sucks.

Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.

You will be dead within a year.

God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.

Microsoft should switch to the vacuum cleaner business where people actually want products that suck. dmoz -- Bruno Bratti

Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.

"Humor is a drug which it's alphabeticfilingrules the fashion to abuse." -- William Gilbert

According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening news > post > entry form of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of the returns."

You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #4 WITLESS: Peter Weir directs Sylvester Stallone in the most challenging role of his career. Stallone plays a Philadelphia police officer on the run from corrupt officials. He is wounded and then nursed back to health by Amish Mennonites. Fearful that they might unwittingly reveal his hiding place, he blows them all away.

beef stroganoff, n: A thefreecountry.com: privacy policy bull masturbating.

Man sollte viel öfter nachdenken... und zwar vorher.

Paul's Law: In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

"Of ______course it's the murder weapon. site help Who would frame someone with a fake?"

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period." -- Steven Moore

A grade school teacher, who was doing a unit on World War II heard that the father of one of her students had been a fighter pilot during the war with one of the Scandinavian Air Forces. She invited him to come in and speak to the class. The guy was more than happy to talk, and began with a story about a morning patrol where he had been nearly shot down. "We had been up for about 20 minutes flying over enemy held territory, when we noticed, just in time, 3 fokkers diving on us from above." At the first mention of `fokkers' the class giggled a little bit. "Our group broke formation, and began the dog-fighting. As we fought, we noticed 2 more fokkers coming at us from above and 2 more fokkers, fresh from the landing field, come to join the battle". At this second and third mention of `fokkers' the class was almost laughing openly, and the teacher interrupted the story to ask the pilot to explain to the class that a 'fokker' was a particular type of plane flown by the German Air Force. He replied, "Ya, dat is true, but these fokkers were Messerschmidts".

Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #25: Q: products You say you had three men punching at you, kicking you, raping you, and you didn't scream? A: No ma'am. Q: Does that mean you consented? A: No, ma'am. That means I was unconscious.

"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people" -- Blore

The reasons that each of these countries has had to renege on its financial committments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of a war, Poland because of its vast misguided overinvestment in heavy industry, Honduras because the coffee price went sour, Zaire because nobody in the government there has a clue as to how to run a country. -- Paul Erdman's Money Book

On one hot dusty day in 1860, a lone Mexican bandit crossed the border into Texas. After robbing a small bank and shooting up the town, he led the posse on a merry chase through the desert. On the sixth day of the chase he was apprehended. Sheriff-to-interpreter: "Ask him where the money is." Interpreter-to-bandit: "He wants to know where you hid the money." Bandit-to-interpreter: "I'll never tell, never!" Interpreter-to-sheriff: "He says he'll never tell, senor." At this point, the sheriff loses his cool. His town has been shot up, his bank robbed, he's spent a week in the desert tracking this guy, and now he says he'll never tell. So he takes his pistol, jams it under the bandits' chin, and, with the veins standing out on his neck, screams "Tell him to tell me where the money is, or I'm gonna blow his brains all over the desert!" Interpreter-to-bandit: "He says if you don't tell him where the money is right now, he will kill you here." Bandit-to-interpreter: "Do not kill me, senor, the money is hidden under the big tree at the pass!" Interpreter-to-sheriff: "He says you ain't got the balls..."

Cox's philosophy: Life's a bitch, then you die.

There event > view > summaries isn't room enough in this dress for both of us!

You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. -- Charles A. Beard

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue. -- Dumas

Intolerance organization free nation foundation is the last defense of the insecure.

Excerpts From The First Annual Nerd Bowl (#3) BRYANT DUMBELL: It's time for Round One: The Flying CompactDiscus. JOHN SPLADDEN: That's right, Bryant. Each team member will hurl one CD-ROM and receive points for both the distance thrown and whether the disc is still readable afterwards. DUMBELL: First up is Mad Hatter's Alan Cox. He struts, he winds up, and there it goes! Look at the trajectory on that baby... Now it's time for the Portalback's Anonymous Coward #521 to throw. This guy was voted as the best CompactDiscus thrower in the league by popular vote on Slashdot. SPLADDEN: Indeed, AnonCow has got some powerful muscles. No brain though. Did you know that he dropped out of college to join the Andover.Net team? DUMBELL: Yeah, what a tough decision to make. It's now becoming quite common for nerd superstars to ditch college and move to Silicon Valley and receive Big League stock options. Still, AnonCow was out for several games this season due to a Carpal Tunnel flareup. I hope he isn't squandering his millions... he might be forced to retire early.

A fool must now and search then be right by chance.

Gestern wollte ich ganz besonders vorsichtig aus der webloggers for past 3 months -- by last name Kneipe gehen, und da tritt mir so ein Idiot auf die Hand...

"Cleveland? Yes, I spent a redhat week there one day."

"Nuclear war would really set back cable." -- Ted Turner

"I own my own body, but I share"

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents jdbc downloads and specifications moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -- W. Somerset Maugham

Heiligenbilder cdtext sind mit Autogrammen am wertvollsten.

Larkinson's Law: All laws are basically false.

Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles. Oh, and have a nice day! -- Bryce Nesbitt '84

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Mastery of UNIX, like mastery of language, offers real freedom. The price of freedom is always dear, but there's no substitute. Personally, I'd rather pay for my freedom than live in a bitmapped, pop-up-happy dungeon like NT. -- Thomas Scoville, Performance Computing

If Microsoft uses the breakup as an opportunity to port Office, and its infernal Dancing Paper Clip, to my Linux operating system, heads will forums fly! I'll track down that idiot who created Clippit and sic a killer penguin on him! -- Linus Torvalds, when asked by Humorix for his reaction to the proposed Microsoft two-way split

javahispano The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist. -- Stendhal

Living in Hollywood is like living in a jdbc downloads and specifications bowl of granola. What ain't fruits and nuts is flakes.

An American couple is in Paris, a much awaited trip, when suddenly the wife dies of a heart attack. The husband decides to have her buried there as the visit to France was something they had longed for for many years. All arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have a black hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge tells him that what he wants is a "chapeau noir." So off he goes to find a store open late. First he meets a gendarme and in his fractured French asks, "M'sieur, ou pouvais-je acheter un capeau noir?" The policeman is a bit surprised but, after thinking a bit, gives our friend directions. The store -- if that is what it is -- looks a little seedy and run down, but the man behind the counter looks friendly so in goes our hero. He speaks first: "M'sieur, je veux acheter un capeau noir." "Mais, monsieur, j'ai des capeaux rouges, des capeaux blancs, et des capeaux marrons, mais pas des capeaux noires. Pourquoi avez vous besoin d'un capeau noir?" "Ma femme est morte." "O Monsieur! Quelle beau sentiment!"

Q: How did the elephant get to the top of the oak tree? A: He sat on a acorn and waited for spring. Q: But how did he get back down? A: He crawled out on a leaf and waited for autumn.

Hear about... the guy who couldn't find his way to the orgy -- you might say he lost his ball bearings?

Of course I use Microsoft. Setting up a stable Unix network is no challenge. -- From a Slashdot.org post

"Beware of what's in dave's spare room? the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way." -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"

Fry: What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal. And that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage and does. Zoidberg: Damn right. Fry: And the professor's a senile amoral crackpot. Professor: Oyeeaii. (waves) Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Hermes: Tally me banana. Fry: Amy is a klutz from Mars. Amy: Whoops. (drops her glass) Professor: And Fry, you've got that brain thing. Fry: I already did!

Sex; it's always best when one partner is at least a little bit desperate.

Elite Nerds Create Linux Distro From Hell HELL, MICHIGAN -- A group of long-time Linux zealots and newbie haters have thrown together a new Linux distro called Hellix that is so user-hostile, so anti-newbie, so cryptic, and so old-fashioned that it actually makes MS-DOS look like a real operating system. Said the founder of the project, "I'm sick and tired of the Windowsification of the Linux desktop in a fruitless attempt to make the system more appealing to newbies, PHBs, and MCSEs. Linux has always been for nerds only, and we want to make sure it stays that way!" One of the other Bastard Distributors From Hell explained, "In the last five years think of all the hacking effort spent on Linux... and for what? We have nothing to show for it but half-finished Windows-like desktops, vi dancing paperclips, and graphical front-ends to configuration files. Real nerds use text files for configuration, darnit, and they like it! It's time to take a stand against the hordes of newbies that are stereoagent polluting our exclusive operating system." One Anonymous Coward said, "This is so cool... It's just like Unix back in the good old days of the 70's when men were men and the only intuitive interface was still the nipple."

Ein Friedlicher ist einer, der sich totschiessen laesst, um zu beweisen, dass der andere ein Agressor gewesen ist. -- Ludwig Marcuse

Seems like there were these two dogs in a vet's waiting room, each eyeing the other suspiciously. One of them turns to the other. "What are you here for?" he asks. "Well," replies the other, "I was feeling really bad the other day, and Master's six year old son started bothering me. I tried to ignore it, but I was feeling so rotten that I bit his hand." "Yeah, I now what you mean. So, what are you here for?" "Erm ... well ... Master reckons that I'm too vicious, so I'm going to be ... you know ... I'm going to have the *operation*." "Oh. Well, I'm sorry," sympathised the first dog. Time passed. The about-to-be-neutered dog coughed politely. "So," he asked, "What are you in here for?" "Oh, nothing really," the other replied, embarrassed. "Go on, I told you, it *can't* be as bad!" "OK. Well, it's like this. The bitch next door was in heat, and so I was feeling, you know, a bit randy. Then Mistress came into the kitchen wearing a short skirt and no underwear, and she bent over. I just couldn't resist it!" admitted the dog. "Oh! So you're here for the operation too!" "No," came the reply, "I'm here to have my nails clipped!"

A widow who fancied introduction to websphere administration: exploring the differences in versions (sample chapter) a man some Was diddled three times in a hansome. When she clamored for more Her young man became sore And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."

"The fronting for the eighty-yard long marble-topped bar had been made by stitching together nearly twenty thousand Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins, despite the fact that the twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed them to keep their insides in." - The Book decribing Milliways' politically community incorrect decor.

flat file text cvs oracle export Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.

Court, n.: A place where they dispense with "free partition editors, managers and recovery (partitioning software) (thefreecountry.com)" justice. -- Arthur Train

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. -- Fred Allen